Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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