Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
