So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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