eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
