Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
