its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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