I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Shame - the story of my life.
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