At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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