I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
