It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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