your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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