just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize