Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
