see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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