You made me cry and you don't even care
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
