The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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