worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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