This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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