so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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