Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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