i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
