yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
