Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
