I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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