hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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