I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
