i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
