He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
