did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
