mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
