I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
