my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
