Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
