My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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