You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
