is wine microwaveable?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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