I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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