I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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