I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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