Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
