My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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