Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
