I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just gargled with NyQuil
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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