Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
