I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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