I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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