he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
