Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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