My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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