I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
