Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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