I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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